March 5^th, 2012

“Do I know you? I swear we’ve met.”

Dateline Waukesha, WI. On a cold morning in late January, 2012 two best friends walk up a set of stairs and approach a room they are both very familiar with. This time however, one of the friends, we’ll call him Otis, stops short of the doorway. This time, something is different.

Not discouraged, his older friend by three weeks, we’ll call him Ruben, charges into the room throwing caution to the wind. Inside, in the middle of this room Ruben came face to face with a new “friend,” the likes of which he had never seen before. Panicked to say the least, this new “friend,” we’ll call him Crosby, jumped straight into the air in a plyometric show of force and while airborne he threw a sweeping right (claws extended) hook towards Ruben’s head. The “meeting” lasted only mere seconds and Crosby, once back on solid ground went into hiding while Ruben having narrowly escaped with his life walked outside to tell Otis all about their new “friend.”

So how you may ask does my Pug Ruben, Golden Retriever Otis, and newly acquired hairless Sphynx cat Crosby relate to police work or my role as an SRO? Simple, it is all about Facebook.

With-in the last month I have helped several students deal with harassment and bullying issues on Facebook. In every single case as I was working through the issue with the student, we came across “friends” of theirs that they did not know. Naturally my next question was why did they confirm a friendship on Facebook with someone that they do not know? The answers varied, but the most consistent replies were along the lines of, “We have a lot of mutual friends,” “I must know him/her from somewhere,” or, and maybe the most scary for parents, “I don’t know I just want a lot of friends.”

In life we all want acceptance, I get that. Ruben just wanted to meet Crosby and be friends with him. That is his demeanor. He wouldn’t hurt a fly (plus with his crooked little teeth he couldn’t) but the reaction Crosby gave him was not the equivalent of “confirming” their friendship. As adults we meet and interact with many people who we never become friends with. Sometimes as we spend more time with certain people we do forge a friendship with them. As for Ruben, Otis and Crosby, in the month since that harrowing meeting they have become friends, but that first day Crosby was not about to “confirm” Ruben just because he received the friend request.

When I speak with classes of students about Facebook I am very open with them. I tell them about my police Facebook page and ask them if they would want to be friends with me on my police Facebook page. In each class a few hands go up but the vast majority never budge from their desks. My next question is, why not? The answer to that is easy. If they were friends with me on Facebook I could see all of their activity. I could see each picture and video they post, I could see everything they post to their walls and what others post on their walls as well as a vast array of other information about them. Do I blame them for not wanting me to see that? Absolutely… not.

The next thing I tell each class is that I have four Facebook accounts and that I am already friends with many of them. It is usually at this point that the classroom becomes silent and except for the couple students who are not on Facebook, everyone else is thinking about that guy or girl they confirmed as “friends” two weeks, two months or two years ago that they did not know. Was that Officer Hryniewicki? Maybe it was, maybe not. To calm everyone down I do explain that I do not look at and scrutinize my fake Facebook pages on a daily basis. Quite honestly I do not care nor do I have time to keep up on how their Facebook farm, fish tank or mafia is doing.

The truth is that fake Facebook accounts are used by police at all levels of law enforcement. Utilizing such accounts has been valuable to me in numerous incidents during my time as an SRO and has helped me to solve crimes, deal with bullying, and to stop fights before they get a chance to take place. Looking at pictures that kids post helps me to identify risky behavior such as underage drinking and drug use (yes kids post pictures and videos of themselves doing it) and help make parents aware of what their kids are doing.

Before I end my talks on Facebook, no matter what age group I am talking to, one student will always ask who I am on Facebook and will I give them the names of my fake accounts? “Of course not” I say. But, if each student would go through their friends list and delete each and every “friend” that they do not personally know (I mean have met and spoken with face to face), they do not need to worry about who I am online.

In my almost three years now as an SRO it is relatively consistent that students truly “know” about 85-90% of their Facebook friends. That said if a student only has 200 friends (and that is low on average) that still leaves 20-30 people who can see into their lives that they do not know. I am only one Police Officer and even if that student is friends with every SRO in the North Shore that still leaves between 15-25 unknown “friends.” Now what if that student, instead of having 200 friends has 1,200 friends and those initial 20-30 unknown “friends” now number 120 or more? I tell every class I speak with and every student I help personally that when it comes to Facebook “friends,” you can always get them back if you accidentally delete a real friend.

As parents, please keep an eye on your kids Facebook usage. If you are not on Facebook but your kids are, you NEED to get on Facebook. If your kids will not allow you to be their “friend” on Facebook, then I say that they do not need to be on Facebook. Also watch their Facebook usage on such devices as I-Pods and smart phones. I do not see any reason why a student needs their phone by their side at night. More students are on Facebook chatting well into the morning hours while they should be sleeping than you would ever guess.

Urge your kids to take Facebook slow. Do they truly know their friends? If not, or if they are being harassed by “friends” on Facebook then block the people doing the harassment or whom your child does not know. Do you need to be friends with someone just because you go to the same school? Of course not. Rushing into Facebook like Ruben rushed into the bedroom to meet Crosby will often lead to problems. The great thing about this issue is that in this case, your kids (and you) really are in complete control.